Why is planning a wedding so stressful? Well, it’s no secret that it’s a full-time job. If you’re planning a wedding and have another full-time job (as most do), there’s a good chance your stress levels may be higher than usual.
Not to mention the fear and grief of a major life transition where you’re expected to spend a ton of money, be the center of attention, and be the happiest you’ve ever been. (No pressure!)
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, we’re sharing some of our top tips to keep your mental and emotional wellness in check before, during, and after your “I do’s.” (Because yes, post-wedding anxiety is totally a thing, too!)
Keep reading to learn more on how to deal with wedding anxiety, from wedding planning tips to how to handle uncomfortable emotions when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Pre-Wedding Jitters
STRESSOR #1: STAYING ON BUDGET
One of the biggest stressors for couples throughout the wedding planning process? You guessed it: money.
When developing your budget, take time to understand why things cost what they do so you can keep a realistic mindset and prevent overspending. Write out a “must” list and focus on the non-negotiables.
You may not be able to avoid upgrade offers from vendors and the urge to take up another DIY project, so it’s important to keep perspective and prioritize what matters most. You’ll also want to leave about 5% of your budget for surprise costs, like tips, service charges, overtime costs, and postage for mailing thank-yous.
STRESSOR #2: LACK OF ORGANIZATION
Work ahead as much as you can and stay organized. Consider creating a detailed production schedule and timeline with a physical wedding planner or a project management app like Trello or Notion.
Then, send a final breakdown to your vendors at least two weeks in advance so they can share their feedback and provide you with any updates.
Take breaks, break up tasks, and whatever you do, don’t let your entire life become engulfed by planning. Speaking of which, when was the last time you and your partner went on a date? If it wasn’t recent, it may be time to get one on the books.
Oh, and don’t leave the wedding bands until the last minute! It takes us about 2-3 weeks to custom-make our rings, so try to order them at least six weeks in advance in case you need to make adjustments.
STRESSOR #3: LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Don’t be afraid to share your fears, stressors, and anticipated potential drama with your vendors. They’re there to make your big day a success; open communication will help them do that.
Having open conversations with family members and friends early on can also prevent miscommunications or arguments about expectations. Be upfront about what you envision for your day and ask your families to share their priorities as well. Then find ways to compromise.
A little delegation never hurt anybody, either. Hire a wedding planner if it’s within budget, but if not, delegate tasks to friends and family. You’d be surprised how generous people can be!
Speaking of friends and family—is choosing a wedding party stressing you out? If you don’t want to risk offending anyone, skip the party altogether. This is your day, you make the rules.
STRESSOR #4: COMPARISON
We’re the first to admit how much we love an endless inspo scroll on social media, but taking a digital detox every so often can help reduce planning stress. Additionally, try to focus on body positivity instead of squeezing yourself into attire that doesn’t fit or make you feel good.
Feeling nervous about being the center of attention? Remember, practice makes close to perfect! You won’t regret taking a dance class or speech lesson to prepare for being in the spotlight.
Wedding Day Stress
STRESSOR #1: NOT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
In the lead-up to the wedding, make sure to take good care of yourself.
Think of your wedding day like you’re taking the SAT. You’ll want to eat a nutritious breakfast, stay hydrated, and exercise or meditate if it’s part of your everyday routine.
All of your hard work has been leading up to this, so stay present and enjoy yourself! Scheduling extra time to get ready can help you relax and remain flexible in case of mishaps.
STRESSOR #2: HANDLING THE UNEXPECTED
If life happens (like unfortunate weather or flight delays), you might freak out—and that’s okay! It’s a completely normal, human reaction you shouldn’t feel ashamed of.
Hold space for yourself and forget any negative “bridezilla” stereotypes (which is just thinly veiled misogyny if you ask us). Instead, be honest with friends and family you can trust to uplift and support you.
Communicating clearly about your feelings can help relieve some of the stress and expel negative emotions so you can get back to what matters most: your marriage.
If you’re worried about wedding day panic, do a little role-play to set expectations and boundaries with your loved ones. Get specific about what you want them to do or say in different scenarios and designate a point person to handle mishaps.
STRESSOR #3: COLD FEET
Committing to spending the rest of your life with someone is a big deal, and many people in loving marriages have experienced wedding jitters or “cold feet.”
If this happens to you, allow room for your feelings to surface and talk it out with a trusted confidante. Open communication will allow you to address your fears and reinforce your decision, helping you move forward with confidence and clarity.
Post-Wedding Anxiety
People rarely talk about feeling anxious after the wedding, but post-wedding anxiety is just as common as having wedding nerves before or on your big day.
STRESSOR #1: SENDING THANK-YOUS
Writing thank-you notes alone can be incredibly stressful! Try to write them as soon as the gifts come in to help break up the task.
Can’t get to them right away? Then don’t! Most recommend sending them out within three months of the ceremony, but we’re sure Aunt Cathy and Uncle Bob will understand if you need an extension.
STRESSOR #2: GETTING YOUR PHOTOS BACK
Most of us aren’t strangers to self-criticism. If you have high standards for how your wedding will look to others, obsessing over photos can amplify negative self-talk.
Olivia Muenter, a 2021 bride, wrote about her post-wedding anxiety for Brides: “Once the post-wedding high had died down and the photos had come in, I found myself suddenly fixating on tiny details about the day. One night, I stayed awake for hours wondering why a friend hadn’t shared any photos from the wedding on social media. Did she hate it? Was she embarrassed to be there?”
Instead of focusing on the superficial details, like what kind of bra you wore, Muenter suggests focusing on the what the day represents. Did you and your guests have a good time? Did you get to marry the love of your life?
Remember, comparison is totally natural and never something to be ashamed of! But if you find yourself focusing on the like count of your wedding posts, it may be a good time to log off for awhile.
Photo courtesy of Jill Sahner Photography featuring Jenna & Ryan
STRESSOR #3: FEELING ISOLATED
Married life is different from single life. If you’re the first of your friends to tie the knot, your new relationship status can feel somewhat isolating.
Though you may be feeling alone, know that you’re not! There are plenty of people out there who experience loneliness after their “I do’s,” especially if their partner travels for work or is otherwise unavailable to commiserate.
You can try reaching out to online support groups or even getting out in your community to make new, married friends.
Be honest with your existing circles, too! Unmarried friends can still empathize with the difficult feelings that come with a major life change.
STRESSOR #4: JUDGING YOUR EMOTIONS
If you’re experiencing post-wedding anxiety, don’t judge yourself. The pressure to be happy is just that: pressure. And pressure can’t make you happy!
After the wedding is a time when many people release all of their pent up anxiety, including their planning stress. It’s like a pressure valve being released, and that can take you on a real emotional roller coaster. Try to get into a space of acceptance with your emotions and take them as they come.
Want to take your mind off things? Feel free to give us a call. We aren’t mental health professionals, but we’re happy to talk all things jewelry!
Questions? Give us a shout at help@hiholden.com or a ring (pun intended) at 646.722.6817.
